Ever feel like you’re on the off-beat? Like everyone is moving along perfectly and you’re the only one struggling? Caught in the ripples everyone else is making?
Like you’re doomed and there’s no hope? Like everyone is moving up exponentially and you’re just moving up at a standard rate?
Ever feel a pain in your chest for no reason? A panging sadness, like there’s a bird trapped in your ribcage?
Do you ever wish you could be that happy person you see and hear about? Who’s attractive and rich and popular and smart and on the beat?

I feel like the more I struggle to be that person, the farther I push myself away. I take one step forward, and two steps back and I can’t keep up.
My ambition and determination are short-lived. I have no motivation.
How am I supposed to live like this?
Not to make it seem like I’m feeling sorry for myself, but, I’m not especially good at anything. And how am I supposed to polish any skills if I can’t muster up any motivation (other than competitiveness, which is also short-lived, as I never win -_-‘ )?

I feel like I’m caught in a vicious cycle. What good is life if you can’t be the best at something? What good is life when you can’t be happy? When you constantly feel like a nuisance, a bother, an obsessed lover, an overeating worrywart?
Is it normal to be jealous of the person I used to be?

I’ve probably gone off topic, and I’m not going back to edit it. I don’t even want to re-read it, or I’ll feel like I’m being dramatic.
I just don’t know what to do.

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