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How I am feeling

Ever feel like you’re on the off-beat? Like everyone is moving along perfectly and you’re the only one struggling? Caught in the ripples everyone else is making?
Like you’re doomed and there’s no hope? Like everyone is moving up exponentially and you’re just moving up at a standard rate?
Ever feel a pain in your chest for no reason? A panging sadness, like there’s a bird trapped in your ribcage?
Do you ever wish you could be that happy person you see and hear about? Who’s attractive and rich and popular and smart and on the beat?

I feel like the more I struggle to be that person, the farther I push myself away. I take one step forward, and two steps back and I can’t keep up.
My ambition and determination are short-lived. I have no motivation.
How am I supposed to live like this?
Not to make it seem like I’m feeling sorry for myself, but, I’m not especially good at anything. And how am I supposed to polish any skills if I can’t muster up any motivation (other than competitiveness, which is also short-lived, as I never win -_-‘ )?

I feel like I’m caught in a vicious cycle. What good is life if you can’t be the best at something? What good is life when you can’t be happy? When you constantly feel like a nuisance, a bother, an obsessed lover, an overeating worrywart?
Is it normal to be jealous of the person I used to be?

I’ve probably gone off topic, and I’m not going back to edit it. I don’t even want to re-read it, or I’ll feel like I’m being dramatic.
I just don’t know what to do.

Day 6

Day 6 — A stranger

Day 6- Favorite super hero and why

Part 1

Hello, sir or madam.

You don’t know me and you never will, but I caution you to be wary of me, for I thrive on weirding strangers out.

Part 2

My favorite superhero? Beast Boy from teen titans.

Awwww yeah.

So I haven’t exactly been loyal with this whole bloggy thingie…

I’ll make them up now! I have like, 16 to do.

Shouldn’t take long.

Day 5 — Your dreams

Day 5- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to

Part 1

My dreams… Oh, my dreams… I love them. They reveal everything about me. You could call me a psychoanalyst.

  1. The conscious mind includes everything that we are aware of. This is the aspect of our mental processing that we can think and talk about rationally. A part of this includes our memory, which is not always part of consciousness but can be retrieved easily at any time and brought into our awareness. Freud called this ordinary memory the preconscious.
  2. The unconscious mind is a reservoir of feelings, thoughts, urges, and memories that outside of our conscious awareness. Most of the contents of the unconscious are unacceptable or unpleasant, such as feelings of pain, anxiety, or conflict. According to Freud, the unconscious continues to influence our behavior and experience, even though we are unaware of these underlying influences.

Part 2

DAY 4

Day 4 – Your sibling (or closest relative)

Day 4- A habit that you wish you didn’t have

Kay!

Part 1

Alright well, surprisingly, my brother Mike, who I’ve never gotten along with, is my closest relative at the moment.

Dear Mike,

Thank you for going out of your way for me today. I like spending time with you when you’re not teasing me or poking at me.

Love, Kortni

Part 2

I have many bad habits… I’ll doone emotional-likeone and one physical.

An emotional-like one I have is worrying. I have been told countless,COUNTLESS times that I worry too much from COUNTLESS people. So I’m guessing it’s a bad habit of mine. I wish I could NOT worry, but I cannot stop! My imagination is a curse, sometimes, and I often imagine all of the possible outcomes to a situation.

A physical one is biting the inside of my mouth. I’ll bite the skin off my lips and cheeks until they bleed. I can’t help it. The only way to stop is by chewing gum.

Day 3 – Your parents

Day – A picture of you and your friends

Part 1

Dear mom,

Thank you for being really nice to me today. I hope we can get along like this every day from now on. I’ll try hard not to start fights or make mistakes.

Dear dad,

I feel proud when people tell me I look and act like you. You’re only a phone call away. Thank you for calling me for all these years, it means a lot. I miss you.

Part 2

Day 2- The meaning behind your Tumblr  WORDPRESS name

and

Day 2 -Your Crush

ARRITE.

Part 1

The meaning behind my wordpress name traces back to when the dinosaurs roamed. I met a lumpy triceratops whom I befriended rather quickly and I named him Tater Tot. One day, a group of wild cavemen ventured to my hillside and barbarically ripped apart little Tater Tot, breaking my heart. I then named myself KorTOTni in loving memory of my dino friend.

I apologize for that horrible story.

My friend Ashley nicknamed me that one day. I thought it was fitting since “Kortni” was already taken for a username.

Part 2

A letter to my crush:

Hello, Nipsy.

I don’t want to embarass you so I won’t write much.

Jag älskar dig.

Love, Kortni

Yeah so I’m gonna complete these crazy thingies for every day of the month of Spetember because it’s THE BEST MONTH *ahem*

So! Since I’ve missed the first 4 days, I’ma do all those right here.

For today:

Day 1- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself

and

Day 1 — Your Best Friend-

Day 1

Part 1.

A recent picture of me will be on the bottom since I cannot figure out how to place text after it 😀

15 INTERESTING FACTS!

  1. I’ve got plaaaans to put my haaaands on places I’VE NEVAH BEEEEEEN
  2. I love country music.
  3. I like being creepy
  4. I’m excited right now. Not sexually.
  5. I JUST WANNA TAKE IT NIIICE AND SLOOOOOOW
  6. TODAY ISH MAH BIRFDAY
  7. I think cats look like cornish hens when they are sleeping
  8. Who’s your paddy?
  9. big weenuh
  10. big weenuh
  11. big weenuh
  12. If I could have anything in the world right now, it would be a banana, half peeled, wriggling like an octopus.
  13. I don’t like yellow candy. I’M SORRY.
  14. My fingernails are dirty.
  15. I think Yom Kippur is a cool holiday because it looks like Kipper

Part 2

A letter to my best friend:

I love you. You’re awesome and amazing and I love talking to you. Great minds think alike.

Love Kortni ❤

I’m back.

Guess who’s back mother chuckers.

I was reading through all my old posts, chuckling at my own creativity and naivety.

1. I watched the decapitation video alone in my room one evening. Not bad.

2. You have no idea how much better Biology was than FUCKING chemistry.

3. The badonkadonk, indeed, lives on.

More to come, friends. More to come.

Hitlercat

I HATE FRUIT FLIES.

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I DESPISE FRUIT FLIES.
I LOATHE EVERY FIBER OF THIER PATHETIC BEINGS.
I would add a picture of them, but they are so disgusting. I refuse to put such a stupid thing on my blog.
It is an honor for a picture to make it onto my blog, and fruit flies just arn’t worth it.
This one, however, is.

Aww, screw it. Here’s a little fruit fly animation.